thoughts on thursdays: who am I as a new mother?
Goodness I feel exhausted and overly happy at the same time? Does it sound like I’m crazy? That’s probably because I am. Sleep deprived, running on no energy, and trying my hardest just to balance time. Venice is 3 weeks old now and I feel like life should be back to normal but it’s really hard having a baby in the winter time with so many germs and sicknesses going around. I feel so guilty with staying in doors so much when I have an overly active toddler thats use to going outdoors and running errands with me. I’m also really trying to find my place as a mother all over again. With the first kid you have to get use to not having your time dedicated only to yourself anymore but your still able to squeeze in some spare time for yourself. However with two kids lately I’ve just been trying to keep my head above the water without drowning. I love being a mother but I also really love having some quality time with my first boyfriend my hubby and some personal time to myself. I know eventually things will even out and get better it’s all about being patient in your circumstance. Easier said than done right?
I was just on the phone with my mom crying my eyes out. Venice wouldn’t stop crying, stockton was destroying the house as I was trying to clean it, and I was starving to death because I had managed to feed everyone but myself yet again. I told my mom on the phone, “I just feel like I wasn’t cut out for this”, that when she told me this…”the sooner you realize things can’t always be perfect the better”. She than told me , she set high expectations for herself for so long that she could have saved herself some trouble years ago by taking the advice she had just given me. It’s so true I am a victim of wanting to be a perfectionist. I beat myself up way more often than giving myself a pat on the back. Why as mothers and women in general in society do we put so much pressure on our shoulders to seem like were the perfect moms. Half the time my house is a mess, I haven’t showered in 2 days (sorry gross), and I’m biting my tongue because I didn’t make it to the grocery store yet again and we will be eating take out for the third time this week. All I’m saying is being a mom is tough work. Lets all do each other a favor and pat ourselves on the back, because it’s not about being perfect i’s just about trying our best.