Journal

Our little KL branch

Posted by on August 25, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 6 comments

Our little KL branch

Today was our last Sunday in KL. I knew today was going to be one of the hardest days in the week because we had to say goodbye to our little LDS KL branch. As we walked into our little church building for the last time immediately sadness swept over me, the tears had already begun and I had not even seen anyones face yet. So many fond memories for me in this building as I would look forward to Sunday every week because of the amazing people within the walls, the people I have called good family and friends for the past 9 months. One thing I will miss the most is that as soon as you enter into the church building there is a picture of Christ in the clouds opening His arms as if He is welcoming all to come in. My heart flutters at what happens next, Stockton always has to say hello to Jesus and tell him he loves Him before we can go sit down in the chapel. He literally gets so giddy and excited by this picture every sunday. I will miss his little smile being so excited to see Jesus in that picture. He did that today too for the last time and perhaps that’s why the tears started even before I saw anyone because I knew what little stockton was going to do. We went in and sat down like every other Sunday but this time I just sat there in thought, looking at all the people in the room, thinking do they know how much we love them? Have we served them enough? Have I done all that I came to do? It put into perspective for me of just how much Jesus Christ loves every one of us and I’m sure He asks those same questions, “Do they know how much I love them? Have I served them enough? Have I done all that I can for them?” It felt more quiet than usual as I just let my thoughts run and I almost thought I was going to make it up and give my talk without shedding my tears until I looked over at my sweet husbands face as he gave me the I love you sign as we often do when words are hard to speak. His eyes filled with so much love I knew his thought pattern was the same as mine. After that I just knew I couldn’t keep the tears from coming but they weren’t sad tears at all, but tears of joy, love, and true happiness. After Matt and I gave our talks we sat outside of the chapel with Stockton as we had to take turns with him so that he wouldn’t run up on the podium with us. We just looked at each other, a look I’ve seen few times in our life. One being the first time he told me he loved me, another when  we were married in the temple for all time and eternity, when we served and lived in Belize for the summer, as well as Stockton’s birth. And here we were again looking at each other with that same look because of the impact this place has had in our lives. Both of our eyes...

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looking out windows

Posted by on August 11, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 2 comments

looking out windows

Today I found myself staring out my bedroom window like I have so many times before. This time looking out my window in deep contemplation… I remember when I first got here this window was me looking out into a city I feared a city I felt had control on how I lived and how I felt. So many days I spent crying looking out that window wishing I was anywhere but here. Longing for home saying if only I was home I would be more happy. If only… If only… If only. A phrase I’ve used too often and so often regret. Now I find myself looking out this window with a smile of accomplishment that I did this. I did what I thought I could never do and now this is home. How could this be home? The place I so desperately wanted to be free from is now my freedom? It has now become my world. In a way now I fear going home and forgetting this experience that has both humbled me and changed my life forever. Did those words really spill out of my mouth? I’m afraid of going home? Wow this is not the old me. Yes, yes I want to go home but the more I live life the more I realize that any change you are put in can be a difficult one. Some days you may say I’ve got this, and than the second your heading out that door you feel a total setback. I think that’s why it’s so important to take one day at a time. Living in the past or living too much in the future can be frustrating, it can be hard. I have learned that the hard way. That counting down the days until your circumstance will be better will not heal you. In fact, learning to love the circumstance your in little by little everyday will be the only way you find your freedom. I know I sound like I’m rambling, but really this is just my way of saying when life throws you down every now again get up don’t stay down. For any of you who feel like you’re counting down the hours in the night for the sun to rise, or your feeling discouraged or let down. Hope is not lost. Ride it out, take it day by day and eventually your view will change. Mine did, never in a million years did I ever think I would look out my window and take a bow and say thank you Malaysia for making me a better me. Thank you for beating me up so that I can perfect myself more. Thank you for making life hard so that I can realize how blessed I am. Hang on hope is never lost....

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A video for Stockton

Posted by on August 4, 2014 in Blog, Family, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 2 comments

A video for Stockton

My little boy turned two this morning. I can’t believe how time passes by so fast. He is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to Matt and I. He brings so much joy, love and laughter into our home. Today we don’t have any big plans just pancakes for breakfast, throwing balloons on him in his crib, opening a few little presents, and doing whatever he wants to do. However most importantly A day of avoiding no’s as much as possible. I went way out on his first Birthday. I guess  I felt like there was something I had to prove because all the other mom’s were doing it, but in the end it just stressed me out and I didn’t enjoy the day very much. So I’m making today just fun for my little guy. In the end it’s all about him. Oh how I love him so so much!...

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our last little adventure

Posted by on August 2, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 0 comments

our last little adventure

Were leaving to Bangkok today and I can’t help but feeling a little sad inside. Not because I’m ungrateful for the experience but because I know this will be our last little adventure for a while outside of Malaysia, before returning to the U.S. As Matt and I sat down and talked about these feelings we were overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude for everything this opportunity has taught us. When I first got to Malaysia I hated it! I went into what you would call survival mode. Just trying to survive the day to day obstacles. Afraid to leave the house, and afraid to really do anything. However with passing time I knew I had to step out of this routine and be brave. So with time I explored more and learned more about myself. So here I was having this conversation with my husband about how sad I was that this was all coming to an end. We actually giggled to each other because I told Matt several times in the beginning, bless his soul, that I was never going to miss Malaysia. Wow! I really should have bit my tongue in that moment right? But that’s what’s so great about time– it changes us to become better and gives us surprises about ourselves that we would have never figured out if we just didn’t endure. As Matt and I were talking he brought up a good point. He said its funny how these experiences have brought so much pain and suffering but we end up missing it all the same. That’s what a trial is after all right? We can choose to go into survival mode, or simply choose to be brave and face the obstacle that is in front of us. In the end we could end up loving it or hating it. I know that attitude has so much to do with the outcome more than ever now. So here we are about to take off on yet another adventure but I promise it will not be our last, maybe for a while for traveling, but really the beauty in life is that adventure never stops. It’s the small little things in life that make adventure what it is. Having another baby, watching your son learn to talk, or maybe it’s recognizing the beauty of a sunset in a busy day. The future is bright and the doors are open, its now time to shut the blinds and leave the house and start a new adventure. Life is good, and God is...

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the Negara zoo

Posted by on July 23, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 0 comments

the Negara zoo

Today Stockton and I met up with some new friends at the Negara Zoo. I have been talking with this mama Jamie Via Facebook for a while and she just touched down in KL. She’s already got this whole living outside of the country thing down coming from Japan. It was so much fun to meet up with her. Jamie has a boy named Taylor who just turned 3 so Stockton and him are 1 year apart. She is also pregnant with her second, a girl, and our due date is only one day apart from each other. It was so fun to see Stockton running around with a little buddy, literally running around because we were chasing them everywhere. I was really surprised when we got to the Zoo because it wasn’t very crowded at all and it was very well kept and beautiful! The biggest hype going on at the zoo was the Panda exhibit, you even had to pay extra to see them. Stockton is kinda obsessed with bears in general so I though he might like it. The panda exhibit was in its own separate building, air conditioned might I add, because its always scorching hot in Malaysia. The gave us a brief over view, told us to silent our cell phones, and no flash photography, you get the point they were a bit anal about there prized pandas. As we entered, Pandas were doing what they do best… sleeping. No strollers were aloud so we were forced to let the boys run free in the exhibit. So the boys did what they did best and were boys being rowdy with excitement. Of course the workers weren’t having it. They were pretty dedicated in following us mamas and boys around with a huge round sign that says SHHH.. I mean come on who puts forth the effort to make a huge sign that says Shhh. A little extreme if you ask me, and like heck the boys cared what the sign said, I mean back down. How much shhhing can you do before you decide that its not going to work. After all it is a zoo and I’m sure the Pandas get plenty of sleep. So we decided we better leave willingly before we got kicked out. After the Panda exhibit we walked around some more and let the kids run around but the highlight of the whole day was easily the butterfly exhibit area. It was magical, the boys just ran around with butterflies flying all around them. Stockton kept giving the large replicas of butterflies hugs and kisses. He even learned a new word today, cute. So today everything was cute to Stockton. I had to giggle at this as he said oh butterfly cute. Love that little ball of energy! Today was such a fun day! I’m so sad that Jamie didn’t come to KL sooner because we hit it off right away, but good things come to those that wait! Can’t wait to play with them again. Oh and next time there will be a lot less shhing involved. Just another day in...

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