Journal

Our little KL branch

Posted by on August 25, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 6 comments

Our little KL branch

Today was our last Sunday in KL. I knew today was going to be one of the hardest days in the week because we had to say goodbye to our little LDS KL branch. As we walked into our little church building for the last time immediately sadness swept over me, the tears had already begun and I had not even seen anyones face yet. So many fond memories for me in this building as I would look forward to Sunday every week because of the amazing people within the walls, the people I have called good family and friends for the past 9 months. One thing I will miss the most is that as soon as you enter into the church building there is a picture of Christ in the clouds opening His arms as if He is welcoming all to come in. My heart flutters at what happens next, Stockton always has to say hello to Jesus and tell him he loves Him before we can go sit down in the chapel. He literally gets so giddy and excited by this picture every sunday. I will miss his little smile being so excited to see Jesus in that picture. He did that today too for the last time and perhaps that’s why the tears started even before I saw anyone because I knew what little stockton was going to do. We went in and sat down like every other Sunday but this time I just sat there in thought, looking at all the people in the room, thinking do they know how much we love them? Have we served them enough? Have I done all that I came to do? It put into perspective for me of just how much Jesus Christ loves every one of us and I’m sure He asks those same questions, “Do they know how much I love them? Have I served them enough? Have I done all that I can for them?” It felt more quiet than usual as I just let my thoughts run and I almost thought I was going to make it up and give my talk without shedding my tears until I looked over at my sweet husbands face as he gave me the I love you sign as we often do when words are hard to speak. His eyes filled with so much love I knew his thought pattern was the same as mine. After that I just knew I couldn’t keep the tears from coming but they weren’t sad tears at all, but tears of joy, love, and true happiness. After Matt and I gave our talks we sat outside of the chapel with Stockton as we had to take turns with him so that he wouldn’t run up on the podium with us. We just looked at each other, a look I’ve seen few times in our life. One being the first time he told me he loved me, another when  we were married in the temple for all time and eternity, when we served and lived in Belize for the summer, as well as Stockton’s birth. And here we were again looking at each other with that same look because of the impact this place has had in our lives. Both of our eyes...

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looking out windows

Posted by on August 11, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 2 comments

looking out windows

Today I found myself staring out my bedroom window like I have so many times before. This time looking out my window in deep contemplation… I remember when I first got here this window was me looking out into a city I feared a city I felt had control on how I lived and how I felt. So many days I spent crying looking out that window wishing I was anywhere but here. Longing for home saying if only I was home I would be more happy. If only… If only… If only. A phrase I’ve used too often and so often regret. Now I find myself looking out this window with a smile of accomplishment that I did this. I did what I thought I could never do and now this is home. How could this be home? The place I so desperately wanted to be free from is now my freedom? It has now become my world. In a way now I fear going home and forgetting this experience that has both humbled me and changed my life forever. Did those words really spill out of my mouth? I’m afraid of going home? Wow this is not the old me. Yes, yes I want to go home but the more I live life the more I realize that any change you are put in can be a difficult one. Some days you may say I’ve got this, and than the second your heading out that door you feel a total setback. I think that’s why it’s so important to take one day at a time. Living in the past or living too much in the future can be frustrating, it can be hard. I have learned that the hard way. That counting down the days until your circumstance will be better will not heal you. In fact, learning to love the circumstance your in little by little everyday will be the only way you find your freedom. I know I sound like I’m rambling, but really this is just my way of saying when life throws you down every now again get up don’t stay down. For any of you who feel like you’re counting down the hours in the night for the sun to rise, or your feeling discouraged or let down. Hope is not lost. Ride it out, take it day by day and eventually your view will change. Mine did, never in a million years did I ever think I would look out my window and take a bow and say thank you Malaysia for making me a better me. Thank you for beating me up so that I can perfect myself more. Thank you for making life hard so that I can realize how blessed I am. Hang on hope is never lost....

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A video for Stockton

Posted by on August 4, 2014 in Blog, Family, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 2 comments

A video for Stockton

My little boy turned two this morning. I can’t believe how time passes by so fast. He is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to Matt and I. He brings so much joy, love and laughter into our home. Today we don’t have any big plans just pancakes for breakfast, throwing balloons on him in his crib, opening a few little presents, and doing whatever he wants to do. However most importantly A day of avoiding no’s as much as possible. I went way out on his first Birthday. I guess  I felt like there was something I had to prove because all the other mom’s were doing it, but in the end it just stressed me out and I didn’t enjoy the day very much. So I’m making today just fun for my little guy. In the end it’s all about him. Oh how I love him so so much!...

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our last little adventure

Posted by on August 2, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 0 comments

our last little adventure

Were leaving to Bangkok today and I can’t help but feeling a little sad inside. Not because I’m ungrateful for the experience but because I know this will be our last little adventure for a while outside of Malaysia, before returning to the U.S. As Matt and I sat down and talked about these feelings we were overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude for everything this opportunity has taught us. When I first got to Malaysia I hated it! I went into what you would call survival mode. Just trying to survive the day to day obstacles. Afraid to leave the house, and afraid to really do anything. However with passing time I knew I had to step out of this routine and be brave. So with time I explored more and learned more about myself. So here I was having this conversation with my husband about how sad I was that this was all coming to an end. We actually giggled to each other because I told Matt several times in the beginning, bless his soul, that I was never going to miss Malaysia. Wow! I really should have bit my tongue in that moment right? But that’s what’s so great about time– it changes us to become better and gives us surprises about ourselves that we would have never figured out if we just didn’t endure. As Matt and I were talking he brought up a good point. He said its funny how these experiences have brought so much pain and suffering but we end up missing it all the same. That’s what a trial is after all right? We can choose to go into survival mode, or simply choose to be brave and face the obstacle that is in front of us. In the end we could end up loving it or hating it. I know that attitude has so much to do with the outcome more than ever now. So here we are about to take off on yet another adventure but I promise it will not be our last, maybe for a while for traveling, but really the beauty in life is that adventure never stops. It’s the small little things in life that make adventure what it is. Having another baby, watching your son learn to talk, or maybe it’s recognizing the beauty of a sunset in a busy day. The future is bright and the doors are open, its now time to shut the blinds and leave the house and start a new adventure. Life is good, and God is...

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the Negara zoo

Posted by on July 23, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 0 comments

the Negara zoo

Today Stockton and I met up with some new friends at the Negara Zoo. I have been talking with this mama Jamie Via Facebook for a while and she just touched down in KL. She’s already got this whole living outside of the country thing down coming from Japan. It was so much fun to meet up with her. Jamie has a boy named Taylor who just turned 3 so Stockton and him are 1 year apart. She is also pregnant with her second, a girl, and our due date is only one day apart from each other. It was so fun to see Stockton running around with a little buddy, literally running around because we were chasing them everywhere. I was really surprised when we got to the Zoo because it wasn’t very crowded at all and it was very well kept and beautiful! The biggest hype going on at the zoo was the Panda exhibit, you even had to pay extra to see them. Stockton is kinda obsessed with bears in general so I though he might like it. The panda exhibit was in its own separate building, air conditioned might I add, because its always scorching hot in Malaysia. The gave us a brief over view, told us to silent our cell phones, and no flash photography, you get the point they were a bit anal about there prized pandas. As we entered, Pandas were doing what they do best… sleeping. No strollers were aloud so we were forced to let the boys run free in the exhibit. So the boys did what they did best and were boys being rowdy with excitement. Of course the workers weren’t having it. They were pretty dedicated in following us mamas and boys around with a huge round sign that says SHHH.. I mean come on who puts forth the effort to make a huge sign that says Shhh. A little extreme if you ask me, and like heck the boys cared what the sign said, I mean back down. How much shhhing can you do before you decide that its not going to work. After all it is a zoo and I’m sure the Pandas get plenty of sleep. So we decided we better leave willingly before we got kicked out. After the Panda exhibit we walked around some more and let the kids run around but the highlight of the whole day was easily the butterfly exhibit area. It was magical, the boys just ran around with butterflies flying all around them. Stockton kept giving the large replicas of butterflies hugs and kisses. He even learned a new word today, cute. So today everything was cute to Stockton. I had to giggle at this as he said oh butterfly cute. Love that little ball of energy! Today was such a fun day! I’m so sad that Jamie didn’t come to KL sooner because we hit it off right away, but good things come to those that wait! Can’t wait to play with them again. Oh and next time there will be a lot less shhing involved. Just another day in...

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our 4th of july in malaysia

Posted by on July 12, 2014 in Blog, Family, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 0 comments

our 4th of july in malaysia

With the 4th of July creeping up I became heartbroken, I would be spending the holiday halfway across the world from my home in a country thats freedom is so different than mine. Matt was going to be gone all week in Indonesia and was coming home on the 4th, it made it so I was just missing home a little extra. I began to just mope around telling myself not to look at Instagram because it would only make me more sad that I was missing one of my favorite Holidays. I may have skyped Matt and cried a little bit telling him how I was feeling, thats when we decided to still celebrate it with our own little family. Matt surprised me and caught an earlier flight so that he could be with me the majority of the day. I know he had such a busy week, up in the wee hours of the night working his tail end off, but he still managed some energy for me and fired up our little coal grill and made some homemade hamburgers on our balcony. He even found patriotic music on youtube and played it while we all got dinner ready. We even tried a little march around our living room together with Stockton. As we sat down and began to eat, we decided to tell each other what we were grateful for about the USA. We both got a little choked up as we explained why we loved our freedom so much. I guess living in another country, as well as our travels around the world, have brought such a love for our country and freedom. It was such a magical moment we spent together, just our little family. Living half way across the world from the USA wasn’t going to stop us from celebrating our Country. Theres not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the amazing feeling I get every time I fly in from another country and land on American soil. The peace it brings that once again.  I am free to live with the people I love. God Bless the...

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doc visits in KL

Posted by on July 9, 2014 in Blog, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 0 comments

doc visits in KL

When I first found out I was pregnant immediately fear came over me, no not because I was afraid of doing this again but simply because I was afraid of going to the doctor in a foreign country. For those who are close to me know that I am terrified of the doctor in general, even in the USA. Last time I was pregnant I literally made my mom come every visit and hold my hand when they had to draw blood. I can remember a time where I needed to get shots for my dental assisting job but kept pushing it back. My sister Britney and my mom surprised me for what I thought was going to be lunch, but they ended up taking me to a nearby shot clinic. After we got out of the car I realized I wasn’t getting food. I ran around the parking lot from them for dear life. Eventually they got me and dragged me in but it was no easy victory. Okay, think I’m a weirdo yet? So I’m a boob when it comes to shots and doctors, I think you get the hint. Well my experience with the health care system here has made me actually appreciate doctors offices even more in the states than ever. I have been 4 times now and each time I go it takes me 3 hours to go through the whole process. It goes something like this. I get there check in, give them my foreign insurance letter that states I can be seen. Sit down and literally wait an hour before seeing the doctor, all while biting my nails and mentally preparing myself that doctors are not the same as chain saw murders. Go into the doctor who I actually love by the way, get an ultrasound and the best part the doctor really does everything himself but draw the blood. After the visit I wait in the office again, to be checked out, which usually takes another hour or so and then finally I’m free that is if I didn’t get any prescriptions, that’s another story in itself. However this last time I went in I was thankful to have Matt tag along with me. I was suffering from a pain in the butt migraine that hadn’t gone away in days and I have this funny thing where I’m kinda like that you tube video of a passing out goat. Sometimes I just pass out when I have pain so he decided he would come with me to make sure that didn’t happen. Luckily he did because that day they surprised me with drawing my blood. Of course my heart started racing, I was instantly looking for emergency exits but Matt held on to my hand and ensured I would be okay. I know I’m a nurses worst nightmare so I apologized in advance. I always have to look them square in the eye and make sure they know I’m afraid, like I’m ready for war or could swing my backhand at any instant. Honestly though this time was different, I was too distracted from the horrible fishy smell of the nurses food she was eating in there I couldn’t think of anything else other than trying not to throw up. As...

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our little patch of heaven

Posted by on July 9, 2014 in Blog, Family, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal, Uncategorized | 0 comments

our little patch of heaven

Here lies our little piece of heaven in our KL apartment complex. I know what your thinking just a little patch of grass you say? Oh on the contrary this patch of grass is what gets me through when I’m missing my Utah. It may not feel soft to the touch and Stockton crouches instead of sits on it but it doesn’t keep us from collecting rocks and leaves and looking at bugs on it all day. This patch of grass gets us through some good days and bad and although it is just a patch, I’ll take it as a little tender mercy to remind me that home is not far away. The Best thing about this little patch is above it is clear windows where the security guards patrol. Stockton kinda thinks they are his best friends everywhere he goes always giving them high fives and saying hello to them. Well every time Stockton sees them up in the window its like little Justin Bieber is born again and he’s putting on shows for them. Dancing around, falling down, and then glancing up to make sure they are still paying attention. He even blows them kisses and waves at them. I can imagine this makes their day. So in conclusion to this Story I think maybe it’s not just a slice of heaven for us but for those security guards as well because of the little break of the day they get to see this little human go through all impossible odds to make him...

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hard saying goodbye

Posted by on June 25, 2014 in Blog, Family, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 6 comments

hard saying goodbye

The day my family arrived I was already dreading to say goodbye to them. We were all raised to have a very close relationship with each other and it really has resonated in all of us over the years. We love spending time together, I’m most happy when I’m with them. The smiles and the laughs were out of control when they were here and it just felt good to be with some people who really know me. Living in another country isn’t easy, most of the time I feel lonely and just crave for a relationship with someone who understands me. I think that’s why I’ve felt closer to God than ever before, because He’s been with me every step of the way and He understands exactly what I feel and when I feel it. I most always feel out of place here, always making mistakes feeling dumb, going to the grocery store 5 times because dang it that’s what it takes to make one meal happen here folks. I’ve had some amazing adventures I would never take away for the world, but it definitely hasn’t been easy and I’ve had my break down points. When I said goodbye to my family tonight it was all sobbing tears because I loved their company. I loved Stockton feeling loved. I loved that someone was experiencing my life here  and what I do every day. Their acknowledgement to how I feel everyday just meant so much to me, to bond with them in a different way than anyone else can understand. The reality is in life, that we can be given everything in the world but it would never be enough. Things don’t bring happiness, adventures don’t bring happiness, money doesn’t bring happiness. What brings true happiness is the love we give to others and the love they give back to us. Relationships are all we take with us in this life, not things. When I look back on my life my best moments will be when I have given love and received it. Really, honestly that’s why I blog. I’m not an entrepreneur out to build a business, I just love connecting with so many amazing women all around the world that lift me up and make me realize that I’m never alone. Relationships, relationships, relationships, that is the key to true happiness and this week was pure...

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Made in Malaysia

Posted by on April 30, 2014 in Blog, Family, Home Page Recent Posts, Journal | 10 comments

Made in Malaysia

Matt and I could not be more thrilled about welcoming baby number 2 into our home this November. It’s been a great pregnancy so far. I haven’t really felt sick at all, just the usual smells that bother me. This is a huge change from my last pregnancy as I was sick all 9 months of pregnancy. I feel like Heavenly Father is just helping me out because he already knows that I am out of my element here. One thing that is kinda funny with this pregnancy is that I can not stand meat. I try eating it but it’s really hard and I just can’t do it. I have made a really good friend here that is Vegan and she has really helped me out with finding other ways to get protein in my body. Hopefully soon though I will be able to eat meat again. This last little while has been fun too, I think Stockton is finally starting to understand that I may have someone in my tummy. He has been kissing my belly and saying hi baby. I know he is going to be the best big brother. On a sad note though, having this baby is going to cut my time short here in Malaysia by about 2 months as I will be heading home in the middle of September to good old Utah to have this baby in the states. I have absolutely loved getting to know so many different people here and having a return date home is hard, I never thought I would say that. However I feel like it will be best to have the baby at home and get the help of my mom. Thank you everyone for your support and love on this journey....

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