God Has Plans
So often in life our path takes a change that we are unable to avoid. Sometimes leaving us feeling stranded on the side of the road broken down wondering when things will turn up. These past two weeks I must admit I have felt a little bit broken down myself, as to be expected with the changes that come to one’s life with bringing children into this world. However it’s not the sleepless nights or the fatigue of taking care of 3 children now that has left me broken hearted. Rather it’s the fact of trying to accept the fact that God has plans for me even though I may not know what they are. You see, when we brought little Louie into this world I would have never expected he would be the last child I would be able to carry and deliver.
Let me explain… flash backwards to giving birth to Venice. I hemorrhaged really bad loosing 10 pounds in blood and almost my life. I can’t express to anyone how terrifying that moment was to me. It took a lot out of me, and months of recovery, emotionally and physically. However the doc believed it to be by chance of this happening, so I moved on with life and remembered again what I need to often tell myself… that God has plans. Then I became pregnant again. This time we wanted to be surprised by gender. It kept us wondering and imagining who this little person would be in my belly and made it so special, I’m so glad we did it, and I would do it again if I could… but I can’t. You see when sweet little Louie came into this world everything was perfectly fine until the second night where I hemorrhaged again. As I was sitting up in bed I recognized the feeling all too well that I felt after delivering Venice and I began to panic. Soon enough there was an army of people helping me out to help control the bleeding. Just when they felt like they gained control, the blood just kept coming. However, thanks to an amazing inspired doctor he was able to do a procedure to help stop the bleeding that really helped save my life–again.
Matt and I had some quiet alone moments together in the hospital after all the commotion died down. We couldn’t help but tear up a little bit and count our blessings that yet again I made it through this traumatic experience. At moments we just stared at each other in silence holding hands not even wanting to think of what the outcome could have been. The real tragedy hit when we found out that this bleeding thing was no coincidence and that it will only get worse with every pregnancy and they don’t know if they can stop it in time. Boom, there I was hearing all these people saying different things to me with a cloudy mind and feeling broken down. I have given myself so much inappropriate guilt over here lately. Wondering what’s wrong with my body, it should be easy and natural to have kids not life threatening?
So with time being a thief as all of us know too we’ll, I’ve been savoring every little moment with all of my children and remembering myself that God has plans. Yes it is true we may not understand the challenges or the path that God has for us, but we have to trust him to take the wheel and put us right back on the road. I’m also reminding myself that it’s okay to be broken down sometimes as long as we know God can fix us when we need it the most. So whether we are wandering aimlessly or have big plans that just didn’t seem to work, remember, He knows where to take us. We just need to be humble enough to accept that He will take us the direction we need to go even though it may not be what we want. Perhaps it’s one of life’s biggest challenges we have to face… handing the wheel over to Christ and trying our best to enjoy the ride God has given to us.