The “like” that counts

The “like” that counts

Ever since I was a little girl I had a strong desire to have some effect on this world for good. Sharing my testimony and being a quiet example. Well, years passed, I grew and I had my first child and then got word that we would be moving out of the country to Malaysia for a year. It captivated me to start a blog to record my adventure. At first this was fun, I loved sharing my adventure but soon I got drawn into the Instagram blog world. All of a sudden I started questioning things I was posting, feeling bad if I didn’t hit a certain amount of likes, and comparing my life to others. Sadly enough the Instagram life consumed me. I was trapped in this cyber world of people I have never even met before but yet wanted to be there best friends. Craving attention from people who really didn’t know me. People posting pictures of things they had, posed pictures of motherhood moments, peoples adventures… its crazy to say but I got caught up in living other peoples life and not my own. Instagram began an addiction, I felt like if I wasn’t posting about my life people wouldn’t like me anymore. I felt like if I didn’t comment and like other peoples photos they would be upset, and I would feel miserable when someone un-followed me thinking to myself “what have I done to personally offend this person?” Literally it brought the weight of the world on my shoulders and I was feeling like I lost sight of who that little girl, Kaylynne, was years ago of wanting to share my testimony and being an example. Instead I felt like I was drowning and loosing sight of who I was. I prayed hard for sometime of what to do. That’s when I decided to stop Instagram all together. This was hard for me because the pride in myself said to keep doing it, that eventually I would be better but I tried that a couple of times and it never panned out. That little like button can hurt, Instagram became a popularity contest not a way to document memories. I feel like I have to say now “Hi my name is Kaylynne and I was addicted to social media”… phewww! Now that I can get that off my chest I feel a bazillion times better. Since I have left that world behind I feel like I have found my happy self again and don’t compare as much. I was living in the world standard and not in Gods standard. The thing is I got so caught up in getting likes from others I...

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thoughts on thursdays: who am I as a new mother?

thoughts on thursdays: who am I as a new mother?

Goodness I feel exhausted and overly happy at the same time? Does it sound like I’m crazy? That’s probably because I am. Sleep deprived, running on no energy, and trying my hardest just to balance time. Venice is 3 weeks old now and I feel like life should be back to normal but it’s really hard having a baby in the winter time with so many germs and sicknesses going around. I feel so guilty with staying in doors so much when I have an overly active toddler thats use to going outdoors and running errands with me. I’m also really trying to find my place as a mother all over again. With the first kid you have to get use to not having your time dedicated only to yourself anymore but your still able to squeeze in some spare time for yourself. However with two kids lately I’ve just been trying to keep my head above the water without drowning. I love being a mother but I also really love having some quality time with my first boyfriend my hubby and some personal time to myself. I know eventually things will even out and get better it’s all about being patient in your circumstance. Easier said than done right? I was just on the phone with my mom crying my eyes out. Venice wouldn’t stop crying, stockton was destroying the house as I was trying to clean it, and I was starving to death because I had managed to feed everyone but myself yet again. I told my mom on the phone, “I just feel like I wasn’t cut out for this”, that when she told me this…”the sooner you realize things can’t always be perfect the better”. She than told me , she set high expectations for herself for so long that she could have saved herself some trouble years ago by taking the advice she had just given me. It’s so true I am a victim of wanting to be a perfectionist. I beat myself up way more often than giving myself a pat on the back. Why as mothers and women in general in society do we put so much pressure on our shoulders to seem like were the perfect moms. Half the time my house is a mess, I haven’t showered in 2 days (sorry gross), and I’m biting my tongue because I didn’t make it to the grocery store yet again and we will be eating take out for the third time this week. All I’m saying is being a mom is tough work. Lets all do each other a favor and pat ourselves on the back, because it’s not about being perfect...

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baby celebration

baby celebration

My best friend Natalie and I threw a little get together, with all of our friends for a celebration for our new little babes. It was so much fun seeing and spending time with all these girls, that are just as beautiful on the outside as they are in the inside. I really did miss these ladies in Malaysia! We all have kids that are so close in age and so of course it was kid friendly and fun. Us girls chatted it up while we let the kids roam free. It’s was so much fun watching all these kids interact and play together. Another thing I longed for in Malaysia was Stockton to have lots of friends to play with, so this was kind of a dream come true for me and him. He didn’t even miss me once he just played his heart out! Also a lot of us are pregnant at the same time again too which makes things really fun. I’m thankful for these wonderful ladies I call friends in my life. Today was such a blast!                                                    ...

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matt in Malaysia

matt in Malaysia

Matt left back to Malaysia for the 4Life southeast Asia convention. My heart hurts a little bit because I got so use to traveling with him. I was feeling sad about missing this one. Matt texted me when he landed in Singapore where we usually would stay the night together. Well when he got to the room he found that they put a pack n play in there for Stocky. Matt expressed that it was already hard going without us but having the pack n play in the room ready for our little guy made him miss us even more. It’s never an easy adventure traveling with Stockton but I wouldn’t have traded those experiences for the world. The memories we made, the friendships, and the further bond of love with Matt made it one of the best times in my life. I’m really missing it this week and feel so thankful for the opportunity we had out there because I know in my heart I will never have those experiences again but at least I have the memories and the friendships. I feel dumb at times because since I came home all I know what to talk about is Malaysia. I guess it was my life for the past 9 months. I probably do sounds like an old record player though. I just never want to forget how it molded and shaped me so much. Feeling sad with mixed emotions while Matt is there but also feeling extremely blessed I even have those feelings. After all a new adventure is just around the corner as I soon become a mom of two....

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bumming round

bumming round

I’m up late and can’t sleep. My mind is rambling basically on everything I need to get done before baby gets here. Plus I have this burning desire to decorate for Halloween since today was the first day of Fall. I know I’ve really got my priorities straight? (insert sarcasm here) However I feel set back due to Stockton being sick and me being sick all last week. Needless to say we are still recovering over here. Is it so dumb I’m over here trying to pressure myself into getting some things done that maybe aren’t first priority right now. For example all day today I sat around and basically did nothing I was lazy, still feeling weak , and well stockton was completely opposite and feeling upbeat and full of energy. I had a doctors appointment and was really looking forward to it because it meant I could get myself out of the house for something productive. Also I had promised Stockton all day I would take him to get a pumpkin, and he reminded me about it all day. Any how we took a long nap together and we woke up a little late. I scrambled to get all my stuff together as fast as I could so I could drop Stockton off at my moms house and be off to the doctors. That’s when I looked in my car and discovered no carseat. I was literally in a panic I looked all through the garage no where to be seen. So I made a panicking telephone call to my sweet husband and sure enough it was in his car. Already late and tired I tried calling the doctors for a later appointment but they ended up canceling and rescheduling me. I would be lying if I didn’t say I have the urge just to buckle Stockton into a seatbelt like the Malaysians do and be on my way. However about 2 seconds later I realized this was not a practical idea. So I unrolled the windows and sat there exhausted letting Stockton play in the car because I wasn’t ready to let him down with saying, no grandmas house and no pumpkin today. He was disappointed to say the least but soon enough later that evening dad came home and he was as happy as can be. Matt realizing the day had been tough decided to take us to go get some pumpkins. The pure joy it brought stockton running around through the halloween department at the grocery store was priceless. It gave me the freedom I needed from my home from being so sick the past couple of days, and it gave stockton the chance...

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